Accepting the Uniqueness and Beauty of Our Own Voice

Acceptance is a wonderful thing!

Don't we all love to feel accepted? I know I love that feeling. To feel totally and unconditionally accepted exactly as I am. Nothing I need to change. Nothing I need to do. Just to be accepted for who I am and how I am. It is a beautiful and nurturing feeling -- and most especially when I can offer that gift to myself! It is amazing how -- in those precious moments of accepting and embracing ALL parts of myself, in all of my humanness -- I can automatically offer unconditional acceptance to all those around me. In that state of unconditional acceptance, I feel myself flourish -- like a precious flower opening, coming into bloom.

Acceptance of Our Voices

It seems to me, and I have experienced this, that the same is true of the voice. Our voices love to feel accepted, exactly as they are. In that state of releasing all pressure, all expectations and offering our voices total and unconditional acceptance, they also can flourish. They (our voices) can open and reveal their unique beauty and they can develop their special gifts and abilities. Just as every one of us has a totally unique voice, different from everybody else's voice, every one of us has a totally unique way of expressing vocally.

It is so tempting, as we listen to singers or other people who express vocally in a way that we admire, to want to do that too. But in trying to "do it" like someone else, whose vocal gifts and abilities (and personalities) are different than our own, we may end up frustrated and even with a strained voice. Even worse, we may be actually blocking or missing out on those very gifts and abilities that our own voice has.

My Experience (Before and After) Learning to Accept My Voice Unconditionally

In my own previous experience, before I began working with vocal technique and  before I started to understand the abilities and needs of my own voice, I used to attend many events and workshops which involved various kinds of "sounding". Sounding, as I understand it, is a vocal method of allowing the voice to move and play freely as it creates whatever sounds and vocals that want to happen. It is beautiful to be in a group where everyone is creating their own sound simultaneously and those sounds come together, sometimes harmoniously, sometimes chaotically. It can be very creative and very fun! Except, I used to find that being in those circles I would quickly feel a lot of strain on my voice as I tried to "keep up" to the voices that were really out there in terms of volume and power. And I would quickly get frustrated and discouraged and I kept wondering what was wrong with me, what was wrong with my voice, that I couldn't blast out those sounds like everyone else seemed to be doing. Or if I did manage to blast out some of those sounds, it would take me a few days to recover from the strain on my voice, and yes, even from a traumatized feeling of having pushed myself in a way that was not natural to me and to my voice.

What started really turning things around for me was two things.

Number one: I started taking lessons in vocal technique (3rd Voice Studio) which did help me to gently, step by step, strengthen my vocal chords. And my voice definitely is getting stronger and more stable. But even more importantly, this vocal technique helped me get to know and appreciate my voice in a new way. I'm finally leaning the very essential lesson of respecting my voice. Because I have the wonderful opportunity to work one on one with a highly skilled and knowledgeable vocal coach, the scales and sounds and exercises I learn are specifically geared to developing the unique abilities and strengths of my own voice. And my voice always feels good and energized and happy after my lesson or after I practice my lesson at home. And now I know there is nothing wrong with my voice (or me!!) because I can't comfortably make those "way out there" sounds. And I don't need to make those "way out there"sounds. I now have so much more respect for my voice and the minute I feel myself straining or trying to keep up to voices that I cannot keep up to, I just stop. And then I either just relax and listen or I find my own quiet gentle way to add my voice to the group.

Number two: Part of this learning to accept and appreciate my unique, gentle voice in the midst of loud and powerful voices was inspired by a writer and now speaker Susan Cain who wrote the book "Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." Listening to her views on Introversion helped me to understand and appreciate and accept the power and specialness of my own quiet, reflective nature and, in turn that really helped me appreciate the specialness and power of my own quiet, reflective and gentle voice.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

The really cool thing, for me, about accepting my voice exactly as it is, is that it has helped my voice to relax. And coming from that vocally relaxed place, my range has automatically expanded (with no "effort" from me). And I suspect that is only the beginning of what might be possible as I continue to work with and deepen that sense of acceptance of my voice (and of myself!).

So I still really appreciate and enjoy and admire the voices of those singers who can really blast it out and do all kinds of vocal "acrobatics" or those beautiful and powerful voices that I hear in the Sounding groups that I go to. And I really appreciate and enjoy and respect the quiet power and the unique abilities of my own voice.

I love the stability and gentle power that I experience in listening to Anne Murray's voice. So I'll end this with a link to one of her beautiful songs -- Just Another Woman in Love. This is my favourite Anne Murray song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rr3g34Y6XM&feature=fvsr